Adoration

Today was my birthday. My first birthday, in fact, since I’ve signed up for facebook. It was quite fun, actually, because I got 112 different happy birthday wishes of one type or another on facebook. It was quite fun!

I normally have a policy on my birthday. That is, I like to take the day off and do something very special. I’ve only broken that tradition once that I can remember – when I worked at JP Morgan Chase and was in charge of the online launch of the Disney Credit Card. They chose to launch it on… my birthday. Nothing I could do about that.

Today was the second time, unfortunately. This quarter, I only have classes at UCLA on day a week, and wouldn’t you know it, it ended up being Wednesday, just like by birthday. So even though I was in class for 7 hours today, I still managed to have a very special birthday.

It began by being woken up by 3 very special people. But because the kids had to get to school, we saved presents for later. Then Darby and I went to a very nice breakfast where we had some excellent conversation. As someone who now seems to be going to a lot of coffees and  lunches with a bunch of people, almost like a blind date, I can certainly say that Darby is my favorite person to go out with. (Well, favorite adult, I love being one on one with Lyric and Ollie, too.)

Then, sadly, I had to go to a critical studies class at UCLA. After that class, Darby and the kids met me in Westwood and we got a slice of home by eating at Chili’s. (Strange, I know, but it’s one of the only restaurants that was on the east coast and is now here, too, so it’s oddly familiar and comfortable.) As my friend observed, that’s such a “Dad” place to have a brithday dinner. I have to agree, and yet don’t mind at all. They gave me presents, picked out with tons of love. It was very special, being with the three of them.

Yet I was reeling just a little in my mind, at the same time. Over such a minor, stupid thing. You see, I had gotten a very short email from my manager. It said she had read my new script, had to go home because she was feeling flulike, but wondered if we could talk about it tomorrow. She didn’t say she liked it, or that it was a great read, or anything positive or negative.

I was talking to Darby about it, about trying to rid myself of my need for people to say “Good job!” all the time, when I should and can be more businesslike in my attempt to get my material into sellable form.

Later, after the wonderful dinner celebration is over and I’m back at UCLA for my class from 7 to 11, I get an email from my agent. It also says he’s read the new script and wanted to know if we all could talk about it tomorrow at noon. Again, no “good read” or “hey you’re a freaking genius” or anything like that. One of my friends notices my face when I’m reading it and asks what’s wrong. I simply respond that “I want to be adored and apparently no one is adoring me to the degree that I want.” I’m mostly being sarcastic, I know this need to be told that I’m good all the time isn’t exactly healthy.

So now, for the second time this week, I have a meeting that I’m pretty nervous about. I’m wondering if this is par for the course from here on out. I better get used to uncertainty and dramatic moments and all that.

But anyway, it’s funny that I said what I said after I got the email from my agent, because I texted Darby later that night thanking her for meeting me in Westwood for my birthday (with traffic both ways, it was a slog for her).

Here’s what I said:

Thanks for coming to Westwood and making my birthday special. You and the kids are the best part of my life.

And she responded:

You are so welcome. The three of us adore you, if you can’t tell.

Well, I guess the people who matter are giving me the adoration I need. I really can’t complain.